I Never Knew

This thing called growing up has really hit me hard in the past week. My plan for housing next year, which I have been spending three months constructing, was riped out from beneath me. In the process, I lost three people that I thought were my friends. I never knew that people could be that mean, or that words could hurt so much. I never knew what it was like to be hated, or alone.

That night, I called my boyfriend, a friend from college, my parents, and a friend from church. I talked and cried for about eight hours. Ranted, yelled, begged for help and peace, and questioned alot during those hours. I never knew how much love others could give me, or how unconditional it was. I never knew that people could listen to me for so long, or want to help me figure it out.

I spent alot of time by myself this week. Partly because I had a ton of work to do, and partly because I had lost my main social group. I never knew I could like myslef so much, or learn my self-worth by not listening to others thoughts about me. I never knew that I had ignored myself to sacrifice for my old group.

I found out that my best friend has cancer. I have five best friends, and one of them has cancer. She is nineteen, and she has cancer. I do not know if I can look at her, and not cry. How do I cope? She is apart of me. If something happens to any of them, nothing can replace them. This woman makes me laugh like no one else, and she is just as corny as me. I never knew how real life was until this happned. I never knew how proud I was of the woman that she had become, or how strong she was.

I am going home this weekend. It is my dad's birthday. My parents, my brother, and I are going out on Friday to celebrate. My dad had a heart attack almost a year ago, and I was scared I was going to lose him. On Saturday, I am going out for lunch with two to of my best friends, and we are going to laugh alot and really hard. At night, I am going to see a play wiht my parents and my boyfriend, and then my boyfriend and I are going to watch a movie. He has already seen it, but he always watches movies again so that he can see them with me. On Sunday, I am hoping to see a friend from church. She is amazing, and that sums her up pretty well. I never knew how lucky I was, or how much I had in my life. I never knew how happy I could be, or how people should treat me. I never knew how a vacation could be going home to be with those who know me, who love me, and who support me.

I never knew alot of thing...until now.