Blank Page

A blank page, a clean start,
If only my soul were the same
I am so lost, so confused, so different.
Everything has changed.
Alone once again.
Why did I ahve t lose so much to grow?
Now I have what they want.
Lonliness is the road I walk,
This unclean, ashamed wench.
When will happiness come?
Do I look in the wrong places?
They made me happy.
Will I ever make me happy?
Seventeen going on nothing.
Life passes, choices are made, will I survive?
Memories haunt me, pictures make me flinch.
I wasted so much time, lost so many chances.
I anger those I love;
Love those who hurt and harm.
Sometimes I miss her,
That girl, my childhood, my laugh.
At times, I see her,
But I do not know how to keep her.
I hurt, I bled, I scream, I cry,
Then I clean up and smile.
Why? Is it real or fake?
Someone tell me because I do not know.

12/23/04